A-Z

David Duchovny (who plays Fox Mulder in the X-Files) is in Twin Peaks and is so far a cross dresser. Or transforming themselves into a woman. Did not see this coming.

Why is it that a person who wanted to forget me, to “better” themselves, and carry on with their lives without me; contact me? Like, why? Why bother trying to stay in contact with someone you don’t even care about? I deleted her number. She wanted me, but I was too stupid to notice. I would always get jealous of the person she talked to and see, because I knew she was seeing them for other reasons. This is what I wanted to talk about. Now I’ll never get answers to my questions and that person will never know how I felt about all of this. I guess it does not matter anymore, even though it still matters to me.

Two weekends ago my girlfriend broke up with me. We spent all of Thursday night, Friday, and Saturday together. I was going to mention something to her, but left it aside for later in the weekend. We hung out, laughed, got her some medicine for her stomach pains, etc. I took her home on Saturday evening and I remembered later on that night what I was going to mention to her. I texted her what I wanted to mention and immediately she replies with shortened text messages. It’s an obvious fact that any person who sometimes does this is annoyed, upset, angry, mad etc. I told her that earlier that week, on Monday, that this girl I use to like years ago texted me and wanted to hang out. I replied with a “sure” and gave an idea as to what we should or where we should go. The Omelet House down this main street on Sunday at 12:00 P.M. Simple, not hard to forget, whatever. The next day, Sunday, I go to the place and end up getting stood up and eating alone with these old guys at a bar. Later I discover my girlfriend broke up with me. Why did I even do? I guess, in the eyes of some people, I’m an asshole for trying to spend time with someone I use to like and what not. It doesn’t surprise me if people think I’m bad or terrible.

But after learning about it and what she posted on her blog about not needing a boyfriend when she has television shows, is kind of hurtful. I did not intentionally hurt anyone and I’m already a bad person. I confess a few things to a friend of mine and then I’m even more worse of a person than before. So, I don’t really have a whole lot of people to talk to about this. The people I live with don’t even know this.

But I recently hung out with my ex, yes the one who just recently broke up with me. She showed me this little embroidered patch she made that was based off of something from the television series, Friends. It was about being someone’s lobster. After shopping, eating pizza, and watching movies; I ended up falling asleep at her house. We ended up having sex and kissed a lot. The next morning, she made me breakfast and on the plate written in chocolate was, “take me back?” I had no idea what to say or what to think. My first thought was why does she want me back after breaking up with me? I don’t know if I should be back with her, but I do miss her and she is already a big part of my life. Who else is going to laugh with me about how things are or what goes on in life? The more I thought about us, the more I felt that maybe I should be alone and not be in a relationship. I thought about just being a hermit and staying in my room for a while. Maybe go work out more often and ride my bike, but not really interact with a lot of people. Who knows? I know I certainly don’t.